At Balance Divorce Mediation,
we help you and your family discover, reorganize, and embrace what YOU believe your next stage of life should look like — rather than how the court system thinks it should be.
We support families. Period. You will always be a family – with human children, fur children, or no children. You were once joined in matrimony – a family structure. We choose to go against the grain of the litigation model of Divorce and Divorce aftercare whenever possible. We believe your personal integrity, healing journey, and finances are important. We believe that you have the power, self-control, and enough genuine care for the other person to handle this outside of the court system. We truly believe that people can do this work. You were once friends and lovers. You don’t have to be friends or lovers anymore but you can do this with as much human compassion and respect as possible. Divorce is hard in itself.
We believe that YOU are the EXPERT of your Family and Divorce. Balance Wellness is here to assist you on your journey and make sure you fully understand your agreement and have checked all of the boxes so that your Divorce goes smoothly for your final court date.
As the owner of this practice, I wholeheartedly believe in this work. I have been through a Divorce that luckily was done mostly around the kitchen table and then mediated peacefully. I personally truly believe there are better ways than to involve the courts in making decisions with your lives. In this process there is room for creatively resolving issues. YOU get to decide what the next chapter of your lives looks like. In addition to having gone through a Divorce, I am the owner of this practice and a large mental health practice. It was really scary for me to build a business to try to be completely self sufficient AND have my marriage fail at the same time. I then was faced with the business I created being on the negotiation table. I’ve been there. You won’t find another Divorce Mediator with a mental health background who understands the process more intimately.
4 KEY SKILLS FOR MEDIATION SUCCESS
If you’re preparing for a mediation to solve any type of problem, it helps to know about 4 key skills that can help you during the mediation process. Balance Divorce Mediation involves a mediator who has been trained to stay neutral and help the participants make their own decisions. The mediator is a guide in the process and the participants are in charge of making proposals and making decisions about the issues at hand. Sometimes people try to persuade the mediator to take sides, but the mediator is very careful to stay neutral and help the parties make their own decisions. The following 4 skills can help:
1. Managed Emotions
Talking about unresolved issues can be emotionally upsetting. However, it is possible to manage your own emotions by anticipating upsetting moments and preparing for them. Don’t be surprised if you feel frustrated or angry upon hearing different points of view, hearing proposals you don’t like, and having to think of alternatives. Remember that most conflicts are resolved through this process of talking and listening and creating solutions. Prepare yourself to deal with any possible difficult moments.
How can you help yourself stay calm? One of the best techniques is to memorize short encouraging statements that you can tell yourself as you are going through the process, such as:
Patience:
- The agreement at the end is all that matters.
- Sometimes it takes a while, but an agreement is usually reached.
- With high-conflict emotions it usually takes longer, but agreements can still be reached.
Don’t take it personally:
- Personal attacks are not about me – they’re about the person who lacks self-control.
- I don’t have to defend myself or prove myself – I’m already okay as a person.
- We can disagree about the past – reaching an agreement about the future is what matters.
2. Flexible Thinking
A big focus of mediation and other settlement methods is making proposals. It helps to prepare proposals for each issue you are trying to resolve or plan to raise in the mediation. That way you don’t get stuck in “all-or-nothing thinking” and can avoid just getting upset when your first proposal isn’t immediately accepted. Any concern about the past can be turned into a proposal about the future.
It can help to prepare two proposals on any issue, so that you don’t get stuck if your first proposal is not agreed to right away. You can make a list of issues and then write two proposals for how you would like to see each one get resolved.
Responding to proposals is another area that can help with practice. In general, it helps to just respond with “Yes” “No” or “I’ll Think About It.” This saves arguing over the proposal itself, since what really matters is finding an agreement. Of course, you can ask questions about a proposal for greater understanding and to picture how it would look if you both agreed. But avoid challenging questions, like: “Why did you say that?” Or: “Do you realize that’s ridiculous?” If you disagree, just pause and say “I won’t agree to that,” and focus on making a new proposal yourself.
3. Moderate Behaviors
Mediation is a structured process, to help people think of reasonable solutions to problems, even when they are upset. Therefore, there are several ground rules in most mediations. It helps to think about them in advance and remind yourself to follow them, including:
a) Don’t interrupt while the other person is speaking. Instead, make notes to remind yourself of any ideas that pop up while he or she is talking. Then you can raise them when appropriate.
b) Treat everyone with respect. This means avoiding insulting comments, raising your voice or pointing fingers. These behaviors often trigger defensiveness in the other person. Instead, you want everyone to stay calm and rational, in order to focus on solving the problems you came to discuss. Speaking respectfully goes a long way toward reaching agreements that will work and last over time.
c) Use “I” statements. These are sentences that start with “I feel…” or “I prefer…” or “I have another idea…” Avoid “You” statements, such as “You always…” or “You never…” “You” statements tend to trigger defensiveness in the other person, which will make it harder to reach an agreement. Just use “I” statements to convey your own perspective, rather than assumptions or criticisms of the other person’s perspective. Remember, all you need to do is to reach an agreement. You don’t need to try to change the other person’s way of thinking (which is unlikely anyway).
d) Ask to take a break, if necessary. Avoid just getting up and walking out. Ask for a break, so that everyone can stop for a few minutes.
Mediation is more flexible than a court hearing or arbitration. Taking breaks can help you earn respect – rather than resentment if you rush out – and can help you calm down if you’re upset. It’s also fine to take a break to get advice from a lawyer, friend or other advisor before you make final agreements. Just ask for some time to do so – either a few minutes, or several days or weeks if necessary. Mediators generally do not pressure you to make final decisions at the same time as you first discuss an issue.
4. Check Yourself
From time to time, ask yourself if you are using these skills. It’s easy to forget in the middle of discussing problems or upsetting issues. The mediator will try to help everyone in the mediation stay calm and focus on understanding problems and finding solutions. Just think about these four skills before the mediation and during the mediation, and you may do very well.
DIVORCE MEDIATION SERVICES
Co-Parenting Coaching
Divorce and Co-Parent Coaching offers guidance through the transition from spouses/partners to co-parents. Whether you’ve been married, lived together or simply have a child you want to raise as co-parents, learning to work together in the best interest of your child is the purview of the co-parent coach. Most common use of co-parent coaching is in developing a parenting plan. However, many parents access the guidance of a co-parent coach for implementing their parenting plan after divorce/separation, reducing conflict, and developing practices and protocols that work in two-home families.
Divorce Coaching
A divorce coach is a specially trained divorce professional who takes you from where you are now, and helps you get to where you want to be once your divorce is over. A divorce coach focuses on your future, and helps you devise a workable plan for getting through your divorce so you can create the future you desire.
Child Specialist for Divorcing Couples
Working with the children, the child specialist
1) offers support and comfort during a stressful time
2) makes available a place and context for them to share their story about what’s happening in their family
3) allows them an opportunity to ask questions and discuss concerns they may be reluctant to bring up with their mother or father, and
4) encourages them to identify specific hopes and fears about their immediate circumstances and the future.
Divorce Mediation
In divorce mediation, you and your spouse—or, in some cases, the two of you and your respective lawyers—hire a neutral third party, called a mediator, to meet with you in an effort to discuss and resolve the issues in your divorce. Most mediations end in a settlement of all of the issues in your divorce.
LEARN ABOUT OUR CREDENTIALS & AFFILIATIONS
At Balance Divorce Mediation, we strive to constantly educate ourselves in the newest thought processes, methods, and models of Divorce Care. We hold the utmost professional connections to Collaborative Divorce Communities.
FINANCIAL COMMITMENT
At Balance Divorce Mediation, we strive to make the process as affordable as possible.
We want to be as transparent as possible with all costs. The main reason behind this is that we CARE about what your family walks away from the table at the end of this process with. We want you to have an amazing financial start to the next phase of your life. We are a team.
Divorce Mediator Rates:
Divorce Mediator Rates: $300/hour average – 6 (2) Hour sessions ($3,600 retainer to begin)
- Typically, the TOTAL cost is split between both parties.
- The hourly rate DOES apply to work done between sessions including phone calls, research, and paperwork. It is VERY transparent and clients are educated in where that time is being allocated by their Divorce Professional.
- Depending on the complexity of the mediation, AND the active and agreeable participation of both parties to come to a calm resolution-the fee is MUCH lower than other models of Divorce Resolution.
We encourage you to shop around and compare this to an attorney/attorney model and cost of this process.