We’ve all heard the term “emotionally unavailable”. Whether it’s a relationship excuse, an observation of others, or a self admitted problem, emotional availability is a real thing. People who are emotionally unavailable tend to make excuses for their behavior instead of owning it. They don’t like to talk about their feelings. They’re very evasive and noncommittal.
Going to see a therapist, over time, can help work through the root causes of emotional unavailability and get you, your partner, your child, or your loved one back to being happy, positive, and emotionally available. It’s just one of the benefits of talk therapy.
Being emotionally available means you have healthy relationships, you’re able to talk about your feelings and evaluate your emotions. It means you’re able to really connect with people. Having emotional availability means you’re literally available to hold their emotions and they don’t effect you. You can be there for other people and not feel drained. In romantic relationships, it’s a game changer. In parenting relationships, you’re able to be present and not over react. It means you’re generally positive (we all still have our down days) and look to find the best in others.
But, how does getting there work?
For starters, talk therapy creates a safe place for you to unpack your emotions, feelings, and thoughts that might not be fully processed. Many of our therapists ask lots of questions to help our patients really think about their current situation, things they’ve built up in their minds that aren’t true, or the impact of their actions on others.
After creating a safe place, talk therapy helps patients identify the behavior patterns in their life. It’s not until you can see your own behavior cycles that you can start to adjust them. Adjusting them means that you recognize (or anticipate) how you have responded to certain things in the past and make the conscious decision to choose a different direction. That’s also called progress!
Becoming emotionally available isn’t a quick process, but doing so can have positive and long lasting effects on all of your relationships.
One of our therapy patients, who chose to remain anonymous due to the details of their experience and history, shared his journey of becoming emotionally available. Here’s what he said, “I was going through a really hard divorce (are any divorces easy?) and I decided to see a therapist. As a side effect of the divorce’s toll on my life, I was losing sleep, being very irritable, and being quite nasty to my friends even though I didn’t mean to be. I was called selfish, self absorbed, narcissistic, and emotionally unavailable. Terms I had never associated with myself prior to the divorce. Going to therapy helped me recognize the patterns I had created in my life. The ways I treated people. The expectation I had placed on relationships. Most of which were unhealthy. Therapy helps. It really works. After a few months of working with my therapist, and months after my divorce was done, I felt like I was a new person. I could feel love again. I respected other’s opinions and I began to build healthy relationships. I don’t think I could have done all that on my own. I’m so grateful for my therapist.”
