Getting divorced means that parents, who were once a team, are now separating, and most parents who go through a divorce have said that successful co-parenting is one of the toughest challenges of all.
Co-parenting in two different households is not what they had in mind when they planned their future and decided to have kids, so a divorce rocks the boat completely. They now have to split up and create an entirely new plan which benefits both parties – and of course, their kids.
Some careful planning can help create a smoother transition into your new task of successful co-parenting.
Here are the most important skills for being a successful co-parent:
- Communicate – This is so important. Keep communication open with your kids, AND your ex-spouse. Regardless of your differences, you and your ex must remain on good, communicative terms for the benefit of your kids. They should not have to relay messages from mom to dad, or vice versa.
- Be consistent – Kids thrive on consistency from their parents. When mom doesn’t show up to the football game or dad forgets it’s “his turn” to have the kids this weekend, it’s extremely unsettling for the children involved. Their lives have done a complete 180, so you need to do your best to be consistent with your plans and schedules to create a solid structure for your kids to get comfortable with.
- Disagree in private – Never argue in front of your kids. Regardless of your housing situation, kids need to see mom and dad as some sort of team. If you have any reservations, discuss them behind closed doors. Always have a smile and a friendly exchange with your ex in front of your kids.
- Share positives together – As difficult as it may be, when you’re out with your kids, snap some photos and send them to your ex. You may have your differences, but you share the same children. So even though you’re not a couple anymore, do your best to keep the team strong and connected in some sort of way.
- Don’t be the Disneyland parent – It’s important to play an equal role in having fun with your kids, as well as instilling discipline into their lives. When one parent carries all the burden of homework and chores while the other takes the kids for pizza and movies, it creates an unfair imbalance. Discuss with your ex how you’re going to navigate the situation and keep things consistent and more or less the same in both homes.
Co-parenting is tricky. You have to work together with your ex-spouse to ensure that the lives of your kids are as lightly affected by the divorce as possible. Keep it mature and work together to make sure everyone’s transition is smooth, because at the end of the day, it’s not about you – it’s about your kids.
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