It all happens so fast. One minute you feel like the relationship with your child is fantastic, then the next they’re rolling their eyes at you and calling you the worst parent ever. Maybe they don’t call you names because they barely talk to you at all. Even if no words are being exchanged, you can understand what your teen is saying with their silence.
Many parents ask themselves, “Where did I go wrong?”
You didn’t. In fact, this type of behavior is quite normal for a regular teen. This is because as they get older, they seek more independence. They think they know it all, right? So when you make suggestions to them or try to control their plans too much, this can irritate them and give them a feeling of resentment towards you.
This often causes teens to withhold things from their parents. Why? Because they might feel like if they share their plans, ideas or concerns with you, you’ll either criticize them or try to change them.
You need to do your best to give them as much freedom as possible. Obviously to a certain extent, but you need to let go a little bit as they get older. A controlled teen will act out and do what they want to do anyway, regardless of what you say.
And they’ll keep it from you.
They’re trying to establish their identity, and they can’t do that with mom and dad controlling their every move. Loosen the reins, keep your cool and give them the space they need to discover.
But ensure to establish rules regarding respect.
While it is completely normal for your teen to separate from you during adolescence, you should never tolerate any disrespect. You should allow them to state their opinions, dissatisfactions, and disagreements in a normal tone – but with respectful words. This will help them to better communicate what they’re actually feeling, instead of the age old “I hate you”.
It’s a tricky time for both teens and parents, but you just need to give them a little more space and allow them to venture off into the unknown on their journey to self-discovery. Give them the space to find themselves and share their thoughts with you.
The more you try to control them, the quieter they’ll become.
