Complicated relationships exist all around us. This isn’t just limited to our partner or family. Complicated relationships could be with a coworker, an ex, a boss, a vendor, neighbor, or a parent of your kid’s friend. They’re all over. But. What exactly is a complicated relationship? It’s a relationship with multiple (often vulnerable) layers. Lots of intertwining things that create bonds and reasons to relate to the person. Often times, this is sharing or including others in parts of your life they maybe aren’t ready for. Like when you tell your coworker about an issue with your partner. This creates a complicated relationship.
What makes these relationships complicated is usually a lack of clear boundaries from you or them. Clear boundaries create simple and healthy relationships. With clear boundaries, both parties know exactly what is “appropriate” to discuss and what is not. This simplifies relationships. Remember. Not everyone needs to know everything about you.
If you’re the person who “over shares” with people (like coworkers, neighbors, and maybe your mom) then you could evaluate the boundaries, or lack thereof, you have with these people. Not every person in your life should get to see all your multiple layers. Save this unapologetic sharing and raw emotion for your closest friends and trusted confidants.
A safe place to talk about all the issues in your life is with your therapist. That’s their job; to create a safe place where there is nothing off the table. Sharing the hardest, most frustrating issues with your therapist helps you in your other relationships. You won’t need to tell everyone all the things in your life, if you’re doing that with your therapist. But, if you don’t do that with your therapist, then you’re likely to have complicated relationships as you are more likely to share private and intimate details of your life with others who aren’t ready / equipped to
handle it.
So, let’s say you’ve found yourself in a complicated relationship. Maybe it’s your mom. She’s always complaining about something one of your siblings does. Maybe you tell her all about the issues you have with your partner. Whatever you two talk about, if you’re thinking it’s too complicated, it’s time to set some necessary boundaries. Getting there can be tricky, but you can do it. You will need to have a very frank conversation with your mom about the type of relationship you want to have. Listen to what she says she wants. Then, both of you need to agree to the boundaries. If the boundaries get crossed, don’t shut down. Politely remind her that she’s crossed a boundary and you’d like to try talking again another day.
But let’s say you and the other person can’t agree to the boundaries. Or, they don’t want to change the relationship. This may be cause for reconsidering the relationship. Especially if the other person is hostile, threatening, or abusive.
In life, there will always be complicated relationships. They aren’t necessarily bad. But, if you want to simplify the relationship, set some boundaries.
Recent Comments